1. We prefer stories that are below 3,000 words. Have you ever tried reading a story longer than 3,000 words on your computer screen? What's that? You can't read this because you've gone blind? Exactly...
   
   
2. All work remains copyright of the author (but, if we ask politely, will you let us keep it in our archive?)
   
   
3. We're easily confused by publication rights, so we're afraid to accept previously published materials.
   
   
4. We do not currently pay for stories, and we probably never will. We're not against paying writers for their work, but unless Google offers to buy us out, the only profit LWOT makes is the feeling of joy paid monthly to our hearts. But that's okay, because you're not doing it for the money, right?
   
   

To submit, please attach your story as a Word document to: lwoteditors(at)gmail.com

Please include the word submission, along with the name of your story, in the subject line of your e-mail. So, if you were Joseph Conrad, and you wanted to submit your story "The Secret Sharer," the subject of your e-mail would be: "Submission: The Secret Sharer."

If the name of your story is "Cheap Viagra" or "Pick Up Any Woman You Want"* it probably won't make it through our spam filter, and we would suggest that you change it. Our knowledge of spam filters, like our knowledge of Roman history, is cobbled together from bits and pieces we've picked up from TV and movies. In short, if we can't find your story in our inbox, we won't know where else to look. Excelsior!

Also include your name, e-mail address, and phone number. And, if you feel like it, any previous publications that you think might impress us. Keep in mind, LWOT, like your mother, is easily impressed.

We'll try to read your story as quickly as possible, but because we have vibrant social lives, and occasionally like to read other things (Encyclopedia Brown, Wizard Magazine, Captain Underpants, The National Post) this may take up to two months. If you haven't heard from us after two months, please feel free to write us an angry letter, which you can send to us at lwoteditors(at)gmail.com with the subject title "angry letter".

*Though a story called "Pick Up Any Woman You Want," does sound sort of intriguing. Especially if it was about weightlifters...weightlifters in an Atwoodian post-apocalyptic dystopia where women have been stripped of their rights to locomotion, and must be carried from place to place by brawny, sweat-soaked misogynists.